Schema Spotlight #1

Schemas, formed through life experiences, encompass a range of mental elements including feelings, bodily sensations, memories, thoughts, and beliefs. Our schemas profoundly influence our perception of ourselves and others, guiding our decisions and actions in navigating the world.

Abandonment/Rejection Schema [AB]: This schema revolves around the belief that others will be unable to provide consistent care, leading to feelings of unreliability and eventual abandonment. Individuals with this schema may anticipate rejection or believe that others cannot offer sustained support. Consequently, they may gravitate towards relationships lacking consistency or commitment, withdraw from intimacy altogether, or preemptively push others away to avoid feeling rejected. Conversely, some may cling desperately to others in a bid to stave off rejection, even at the expense of their own wellbeing.

While a certain degree of ‘fear of rejection’ is common, it becomes problematic when it significantly impacts one's life, manifesting in behaviours such as isolating oneself, avoiding intimacy, or remaining in harmful relationships to evade feelings of abandonment.

Therapeutic work for schemas in the Disconnection/Rejection domain often involve healing past relational traumas and attachment injuries, cultivating experiences for restorative relational experiences, and building a compassionate stance toward oneself. When we can accept our own selves (the good and the flaws!), it paves the way for accepting and receiving love from others, even when it comes with its own imperfections and flaws at times :)